Mercy, Burden
Brothers (Kirtland)
CD Review
2.November.2006
[Dallas
music writer Sam Machkovech sits in his bedroom, blaring a
limited-edition
Animal Collective bootleg on white vinyl and cackling as he types at
his
computer.]
Sam: Oh, man. This Burden Brothers CD review is so good!
God, I just want to read it aloud again...
David Lee
Roth had a golden rule: If a recorded song didn’t
sound good in a crappy car’s tape deck stereo, it went back
to the drawing
board. On Mercy,
singer and songwriter Todd
“Vaden” Lewis
probably passes that test, as the skeleton of this album is the melodic
hard
rock of ’80s stream-rockers like Van Halen and Poison, but on
a higher-fidelity
system, the influences reach back only so far as the post-grunge
boredom of
bands like Three Doors Down. Where Todd’s previous pedigree
in the Toadies took
its influences and infused them with biting darkness and inventive
axework, Mercy is shameless in the
continued
brightening and polishing of the Burden Brothers’ very basic
philosophy: big,
dumb rock. The band’s perfectly capable of whipping up a
catchy rock song, and
their emphasis on melody is certainly stronger than many of its hard
rock peers
on mainstream radio, but let’s not kid ourselves; the
dime-a-dozen rock field
can do without most of Mercy. The
over-affected “I Am A Cancer,” loaded with studio
trickery and a meathead bassline,
sounds like every other band that ever tried to rip Soundgarden off
back in
2001. Scarily, ballad “Life Between” sounds only a
few piano notes away from
that Fruit of the Loom commercial in which fruit perform a Ben Folds
rip-off
called “Blue”...BB single “Everybody Is
Easy”’s similarities to The Hold Steady
seem moot in comparison.
That
doesn’t make the record
necessarily painful to listen to, but watered-down lyrics make the
heard-‘em-before riffs much harder to swallow.
“Good Night From Chicago,” the
obvious committee choice for single, is a groaner within 20 seconds:
“Did you
get what you expected tonight? / Did you get disrespected
tonight?” And as the
plain ol’ 4-chord chorus riff blares, Lewis has the audacity
to say, “I got no
time for that adolescent shit you’re trying to
sell.” No kiddin', Todd? Well, I’ve
got no time for--
[A crashing sound can be heard
from stage left. Sam,
alarmed, puts his Joanna Newsom T-shirt and Peter & The Wolf
pajama pants
on and investigates.]
Sam: Why is my bathroom door
shut? And what is that
screeching noise coming from in there?
[Sam cautiously pushes the door
open. There, in front of the
mirror, is Burden Brothers lead singer Vaden Lewis, holding a smaller
compact
mirror in one hand and an eyeliner brush in the other as he sings the
chorus to
“Everybody is Easy.”]
Vaden: Oh, hey, Sam. I needed
to talk to you.
Sam: What are you doing in my
bathroom?
Vaden: Oh, this? It’s
nothing. Taz, get him!
Sam: Huh?
[Burden Brothers drummer Taz
Bentley appears from the side
of the stage, smashing Sam down with his immense size and performing a
six-minute drum solo on his face. The lights fade, and after a few
moments of
darkness, Sam reappears, tied down to a chair in his bedroom; Taz
stands behind
him, while Vaden is a few feet away in sunglasses, a tight Urban
Outfitters
T-shirt and leather pants, sitting at Sam’s computer.]
Sam: Jesus Christ! What the
hell is this, Todd?
Vaden: It’s Vaden
now...Tase ‘im, Taz.
[Taz applies a taser to
Sam’s neck, then turns away and
resumes his silent stance, arms crossed. Sam’s chair falls
over, his body
slumped upon the ground.]
Sam: Ungh...what...why...
Vaden: Quite a little review
you’ve got here, chair-boy. “Big,
dumb rock,” huh? Cute choice of phrase.
Sam: Yeah, I heard a story that
you once used that exact
phrase to pitch a music video to a director. Is that true?
Vaden: None of your business.
What of it, anyway?
Sam: Well, it’s kinda
disappointing to think that your descent
into mediocrity is something you recognize and even actively choose.
[Vaden rests the heel of his
18-inch left boot on Sam’s
forehead, but doesn’t put any weight down.]
Vaden: I don’t know
where you get off calling this “mediocrity.”
I’ve been in bands for a long time. I’m reaffirming
some of the biggest,
best-selling rock records in my influences, rock bands of the ages,
back when
straight-out, no-bullshit rock music was cool. Rock, man. And look at
Taz...he
was in Reverend fucking Horton Heat! Doesn’t that mean
anything to you?
Sam: If I answer, will you
crush my head?
Vaden: No.
Sam: Then no.
[Vaden puts his weight on the
heel and smushes Sam’s head
like a burnt-out cigarette.]
Vaden: You know, it’s
pretty pathetic how you acted chummy
with me, like when I gave you that exclusive Toadies reunion interview,
or the
time we invited you to the studio while we had our fan club help record
gang
vocals on “Goodnight From Chicago.” All smiles, and
then there you went, blasting that Toadies reunion
show, making fun of us in the Observer, giving Taz crap on a local talk
radio
show, and now this crap that you’re passing off as a review.
Sam: Dude, Tod--er, Vaden,
I’m sorry if talking about your
band and giving it publicity in a small newspaper really hurt you, as I
doubt
it really did...but I’m sorry to report that I
don’t exactly owe you anything
here.
[Vaden leans down to
Sam’s body and lifts his sunglasses,
revealing a thick, black caking around his eyes.]
Vaden: You know, Sam, I gotta
tell you...I don’t owe you
anything, either.
Sam: Huh?
Vaden: I know about you. Your
raging bone for the Toadies
back in the ’90s. I saw you screaming along to “I
Come From The Water” back at
that New Year’s Eve show; I saw you post time and time again
on the Toadies’
Web site about Hell Below / Stars Above;
I saw you moshing at our big Liberty Lunch show...
Sam: I wasn’t at the
Libert--
Vaden: SILENCE! It
doesn’t matter now. I was trying to
figure out why you’d even bother bashing our band;
it’s not news to anybody
that you don’t like the Bros, man, just overkill. So I was
sitting at the
Lakewood Starbucks with Taz, eating a few chocolate grahams, when it
occurred
to me--you’re just a bitter little unemployed piss-ant who
can’t get over the
fact that I’m done with the Toadies.
Sam: What? That’s
not--
Vaden: I saw the end of your
review here, the part marked “delete
this later.” You called the song “On Our
Own” “a serious exception and a rare
moment of clarity on Mercy. With a
ringing lead guitar line that Darrel Herbert would be proud of, a
solid
shout-along chorus and a tale of broken romance that doesn’t
lean on clichés,
the Burdens take a veritable Toadies song and perform it in a way
foreign to
the most of the album (though the following track, “Oh,
Cecilia,” is equally
adept at delivering an interesting take on the average rock
song).” Delete this
later, huh?
Sam: Well, uh, I had exceeded
my word count...
Vaden: Dude, it’s a
fucking blog!
Sam: What, I can’t
have standards?
[Vaden punches Sam in the
teeth. Sam spits out an incisor.]
Sam: Great. Wonderful research
and analysis, Vaden. Bitter
Toadies fan gets his revenge, case closed, let’s get Taz and
a whole bunch of
rope. But did you ever consider that as one of the few bands in town to
have
enough clout to land on local radio playlists, you’re only on
my radar because
you choose to be? Besides, I really was gonna put that other stuff on
the
review because, as the other part of the album already said,
it’s not a
complete failure of a rock record. You guys aren’t amateurs
playing at all-ages
venues like The Door, for Chrissakes. I just wish Baboon’s
self-titled record,
which takes its cues from a much wider spread of rock influences, rocks
a lot
harder and came out around the same time, would get as much attention
as yours.
But I guess those guys don’t break into my house, tie me down
and bust up my
teeth.
Vaden: You know what?
That’s what we do. We tie our fans
down and bust their teeth up...with rock.
You can hang around your bedroom with your freak-folk records and feel
high and
mighty about pissing on Mercy, but
it
is big, dumb rock, the kind of
stuff
that you deep down love, even if your hipster ass wants to pretend
otherwise. The
Toadies were an unhappy thing for me, Interscope screwing us over and
all, and
if you can’t hear it on the record, I’m having fun
being in a rock band again.
I feel this music, and I know you
nod
your head to it, too, as our huge guitars, slicked up by heavy-duty
production,
tear through your speakers. We aren’t a bunch of emo pussies
or alt-country
dweebs. We’re the rock band that everyone else is afraid to
be, and we’re proud
of that.
[While Vaden distracts himself
with his monologue, Sam
manages to untangle his ropes, smack Taz in the back of the head and
kick Vaden
in the balls. Sam drags their bodies out of the house and into the
street.]
Sam: Yeah,
well...for someone who's trying to rock so hard, you sure look like Michael
Stipe. 
Judge for yourself: Sample Mercy
with links from the Burden
Brothers' Web site or order the album from Amazon
.