D Nuts || October 23, 2006

When we heard word that some battle raps were brewing around town, we got pumped. Some LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee shit in Dallas? Oooooh, it's on.

But today's Texas Gigs report is about as deflating as a modern LL album; one member of Euro-spoof techno act Lazer, who lost to PPT in this year's Mavericks Playoff Theme Song Contest, guested on Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket back in April, putting out a battle challenge to the hip-hop trio ("eat a Picnic for a four-course meal"..."Hey Ya, Andre wants his beat back"). Six months later--jesus, six months? Really?--the PPT response is pretty bland.

"Y'all sweeter than syrup, take your whack raps back to Europe. Y'all corny, no flow, three grown men with cameltoes."

...well, the cameltoe line's good, but the rest is kinda ho-hum. Otherwise, the only really funny thing that has come out of this is an actual reaction from a Texas Gigs user: "What purpose is served by tearing each other down aside from massaging your egos?" Dude, it's not even a good fake battle, let alone a real one. But that doesn't mean PPT couldn't have been a little more direct--mean is still funny when it's in the spirit of a fake rap battle, after all, and making fun of a fake group's purposely cheesy outfits kinda misses the point. So we sent a call out to our hip-hop bureau in Beaver Dam, WI, to lend the PPT dudes a hand, and here's what they came up with:

Two dudes named Briso and Hammel?
More like Chet Michaels and Charlie Randell.
I think we saw those dudes the other day
holding down day jobs at EB Games
in North Richland Hills and Plano;
You're Germans? You haven't even been past Waco.
We'd keep this song going but we already forgot
about their outdated take on Borat.

...don't worry, we're not quitting our day jobs, either. -SM